“What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you’re good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences.”
I love the part at the end where the writer is recalling her experience of rebuking her children at a dinner party, and how everyone else completely were baffled. Brilliant.
It’s often a struggle, in East-meets-West Singapore, for someone like me – a student in Singapore for 12 years and subsequently a college grad in the US – to strike a fine balance between the horrors of being put through the rigours of growing up in an environment where you are pushed to do well, versus the wonderfully conjoured up world of “You can do it. I know you can. I believe in you”-world that the West promotes. Often times, upon reflection, a child never knows what he or she can achieve until they are pushed, rather than coaxed, because seriously, as adults we don’t like to be pressured to perform… How much more a child?
I also love this illustration:
“For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong. If the child comes home with a B on the test, some Western parents will still praise the child. Other Western parents will sit their child down and express disapproval, but they will be careful not to make their child feel inadequate or insecure, and they will not call their child “stupid,” “worthless” or “a disgrace.” Privately, the Western parents may worry that their child does not test well or have aptitude in the subject or that there is something wrong with the curriculum and possibly the whole school. If the child’s grades do not improve, they may eventually schedule a meeting with the school principal to challenge the way the subject is being taught or to call into question the teacher’s credentials.
If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen—there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion. The devastated Chinese mother would then get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her child for as long as it takes to get the grade up to an A.”
